It’s Alive!
Finally…
Finally…
Marie Kondo says we should keep only the things that spark joy. Unfortunately, I live with two aspiring hoarders, and my cleaning methods involve stealth missions, ninja attacks, and occasionally stuffing everything into a closet before company arrives. Welcome to Kleaning With Kat: The Art of the Fail.
I’ve never been cool. I read encyclopedias for fun, memorized Star Wars dialogue, and considered Shakespeare a kindred spirit. It took one spectacularly unpleasant encounter in high school to teach me that fitting in was overrated. The colorful vocabulary came naturally.
Six years, three forced job changes, and one ridiculous pre-employment assessment later, I rediscovered something I’d buried under a doom pile of misplaced priorities. I’m a writer, dammit. And apparently, I’m also responsible for Fake Brian’s birthday cake.
The Husband Dude insists he hates our cat, has an encyclopedic knowledge of obscure music documentaries, and communicates primarily in grunts, side-eye, and thumbs-up emojis. Somehow, we’ve managed to stay married. Here are the conversations to prove it.
Every year, the ants invade our kitchen, and the Husband Dude goes into full Rambo mode. This year, he decided to wage war on the wasps, too. Unfortunately, his battle strategy may have involved driving the enemy directly into our living room.
For my forty-seventh birthday, The Husband Dude planned a surprise involving a blindfold, a mysterious dress code, and a serious case of motion sickness. What followed was a night of casino shenanigans, a little marital jealousy, and a concert that made getting older seem a whole lot less depressing.