It’s Green Acres Dah-ling

Ok, y’all. I know I’ve been noticeably absent from the blogosphere and for that, I apologize.

I guess I still have a holiday hangover and my creativity has been a bit stifled. Or maybe it’s the fact that every time I sit down to write, The Husband Dude is watching something like Gomer Pyle, which isn’t conducive to snarky, sarcastic humor posts.

Take tonight, for example. Aunt Bee came to Camp Pendleton all the way from Mayberry to visit Gomer. Gomer couldn’t visit because he had barracks duty, so Aunt Bee joined him to visit while he worked. She immediately became indignant that Gomer and the other platoon members (men) had to mop and sweep and dust and make their own beds. She said the government should spend a few extra dollars to “have a girl come in and straighten up while you boys are out marching” or some shit I don’t remember because I was already indignant at Aunt Bee’s indignation.

“This is the most sexist shit I’ve seen on this show yet, and that’s saying something,” I told THD.

His response was the usual look of, “Oh man…here she goes again…wonder if she’ll burn her bra this time.”

Things didn’t get much better when Green Acres came on and I wondered aloud for the millionth time why Oliver Douglas farms in a three piece suit.

“Who the fuck rides a tractor wearing slacks, a vest and tie? He’s fixing the shingles on the roof wearing freakin’ designer dress shoes.“

The Husband Dude just kind of grunted and pretended not to hear me.

I was not deterred. “I mean, why doesn’t Eva (Gabor) say, ‘Ah-liv-er, dah-ling…we’ve been on this farm in reruns for fifty years. Don’t you think it’s time to put on some dungarees?’ Of course…she’s always wearing a different penoir set to bed, so maybe that’s not the best example…”

THD: Aren’t you supposed to be writing a blog?

Me: I’m out of ideas.What was that thing you told me a couple of weeks ago that I should put in my blog?

THD: What thing?

Me: I’m asking you. You know. The thing you said that I said then you said ‘You should put that in your blog’ and I said ‘I will’. But now I can’t remember what it was.

THD: Oh yeah. I can’t remember.

Me: Are you sure?

THD:

THD: Yeah, I have no idea. It’s a shame. It was really good, whatever it was.

Me: Yeah, it really was funny, whatever it was.

THD: Well, maybe you’ll think of it later. I’m going to go clean the kitchen now.

Me: Isn’t that women’s work?

THD: That’s sexist, isn’t it?

Me: Maybe I’ll put on a penoir set and speak in a Hungarian accent.

THD:

Me: But only if you promise to mow tomorrow at work wearing your suit.

THD:

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring.