Angel Who Swears

Commentary from a reformed good girl

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Freak.

Yippe Ki Yay, Mofo

By: 17 Comments

I have a confession to make. I’m feeling pretty bah-humbug this year.

Okay…not totally. I am looking forward to the holidays and food and family. I’m just not into the decorating right now. In fact, if I didn’t still have a kiddo living at home who enjoys all the trimmings of Christmas, I’d probably take my tree and burn it in the backyard in a giant bonfire.

It’s just getting to be too much, y’all.

Before you start dialing 911 or emailing or texting me, worried that I’m about to take a long walk off a short bridge…just know that I’m perfectly happy right now. My job is going well. My personal relationships are all good. We are anxiously awaiting the ground-breaking for our new house.

Life is good. Really!

So, just hear me out on this.

It’s the pressure to reach a certain level of “holiday spirit” that I think actually kills my holiday spirit every year.

I partly blame social media. You have no idea how much anxiety I feel when I open up my Facebook on Thanksgiving evening and I see all the fully decorated Christmas trees. I mean, I’m in a semi-comatose state from being awake since 5:00 a.m., cooking my Thanksgiving meal, and then consuming every luscious carbohydrate of it, and then cleaning up the disaster. The LAST thing I need to see is that I’m the last one (apparently) to get my tree up and having it look Instagram-ready.

I mean, what the fuck happened to one holiday at a time?

I know, I know. For some of you, part of the Thanksgiving tradition is to get your tree up. It’s as much a part of your holiday as the turkey and dressing is. That’s fine. I’m not hating on you too much. Just know that you are creating a need for me to have a prescription for Xanax. Just kidding.

Not.

Anyway, I find myself feeling every year like I’m constantly behind. I have to get the tree up and decorated. Then, I have to keep the cats out of it. Then there are the other decorations.

What other decorations, you ask?

All the crap my mother bought me over the years while feeding her QVC and fancy shopping addiction. I have a ridiculous more-than-healthy collection of nativity scenes and Waterford ornaments and fancy nutcrackers that I literally have no room for. Not to mention, I know how much money she probably spent on those items and I’m terrified to put them out and have a kitty cat (or distracted spouse/child) break them. It’s not like I can afford to replace them and most of them were limited edition so they’re no longer available.

I sweat just thinking about it.

Then, there are the tree ornaments. I had an aunt who traveled extensively when I was growing up. She always brought back Christmas ornaments from her travels to give to my brother and me. I again have the conundrum of wanting to display my pretties but there are way too many of them for my tree (I still have all of my brother’s ornaments too) and I don’t want a tree-climbing kitty to knock one down and break it.

Meanwhile, I have naked tree that keeps mocking me. At least it has lights. I splurged on a pre-lit artificial tree a couple of years ago.

I finally decided this year to quit feeling bad, though. As I have been preaching to certain family members and friends that they don’t have to knock themselves out trying to be perfect, I have realized that I’ve fallen into that trap myself. In an effort to try to recreate wonderful holidays from my childhood and in trying to create new memories for my kids and grandkids, I’ve managed to burn myself out.

No more.

I’m going on strike this year. Not a total strike, but a semi-strike. I don’t know if there’s such a word, but I’ve declared it, so it must be.

I have decided to decorate minimally this holiday season. I will put the tree up but I won’t decorate it until we’re closer to Christmas. With a new kitty in the house and an older one who hasn’t lost his sense of tree-climbing entitlement, I know what will happen if I decorate too soon. I might put up a few little knick-knacks for our annual tamale dinner that I host for the kids and grandkids, but other than that, I’m laying low.

Next year, if all goes as it should, we will be in our new house. While the house won’t be bigger, it will be more open and flow better and have a better use of space. This will make decorating easier and not look so cluttered, which is one of the big reasons I think decorating has stressed me out the last few years.

Maybe in the meantime, I’ll go through and thin out my Christmas collection and only keep the things that really make me happy and that have happy memories attached to them.

This year, though, I’m taking a break. I’m going to make good food and enjoy my family and for once in my adult life, I’m going to relax a little over the holiday.

And watch the greatest Christmas movie of all time: Die Hard.

Fight me.

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Comments

  1. When I was pregnant with Son, I worked in a mall food court. One day, a manager from one of the chichi boutiques in the mall called our store to complain because I’d just served her a ridiculously oversized soft drink and didn’t do it with enough “Christmas spirit”.

    The on duty manager called me back into the office and asked why I didn’t have enough “Christmas spirit”. I looked him dead in the eye and said “I am six months pregnant. My feet and ankles are swollen like fucking tree trunks because I’m not allowed to take the breaks I’m supposed to have that I HAVE A FUCKING DOCTOR’S NOTE FOR and because the GM won’t let me bring in a squoshy mat to stand on so I’m not standing on fucking concrete tiles all damn day. Every day when I walk out of here, I have to try and NOT sob hysterically because my son is using my sciatica as a seat, as well as treating my insides like a trampoline and using my bladder as a squeezie toy. I haven’t seen my husband except in passing for SIX FUCKING WEEKS. I am as fucking JOLLY as I’m going to get.”

    Then I was given the choice to either take a 15 min break or go home.

    Guess which one I picked?

    Hubs (who didn’t have to be at work till that afternoon) was like, “What you doing home so early?” I explained and he was like, “Uh..yeah. Good choice.” So I laid on the couch with a hot chocolate and spent the rest of the day watching trashy TV.

    Reply

      • I ended up quitting a few months after my son was born. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

        One day, the GM sneaked up behind me and was like, “How do women with nipple rings breast feed?” and I’m all “Uh….creatively? I have no clue.”

        He also thought it would a FABULOUS idea if I only took two weeks of unpaid maternity leave and came right back. I was like, “Oh hell no.”

        I ended up taking 3 mos (because that was all we could afford financially) and I wish it had been longer, honestly.

        Reply

  3. I love Christmas but it is undoubtedly the most stressful holiday. for me. What stresses me the most is buying gifts. I stress about what to get everyone, with the kids & grandkids – did I buy them a sufficient amount of presents & it seems like I always forget somebody. Wish Christmas could just be Christmas without the gift giving, lol. If that stressful part were gone I would gladly go all out decorating.

    Reply

  4. OMG I’m coming to YOUR house!!! (I’ll keep the cats outta the tree ferya)

    I am NOT decorating at ALL this year. Not even putting up my tree. My daughter, hubby and 3 kids that have been living with me for over 2 years are moving out. And my house will be total chaos the whole month of December and if I can stretch it out? January too!

    Too many things have happened at Christmas over the last few years that I just have lost that spirit needed to enjoy decorating.

    Plus my house is a disaster right now….SHIT EVERYWHERE!

    Reply

    • I’m sorry you’ve had crappy things happen at the holidays. That can definitely put a damper on one’s will to be festive. Let’s just take a break and try to chill out a little!

      Reply

  5. The older I get, the bah humbuggier I get! I only suck it up enough to please the grand kids but once it’s done, I’m happy but the day after Christmas……poof! Gone! Finito!

    Reply

    • My mom was always like that. She had a rule that we didn’t decorate any earlier than Dec. 10 and the morning after Christmas, we’d wake up and everything would be gone. LOL. I didn’t understand it then, but I kind of do now! 🙂

      Reply

  6. I haven’t done more than a wreath or two for a couple of years now.. and I have to tell you, it’s liberating.. no stress, no mess. Of course the neighborhood thought we’d died, or at the very least moved because I used to decorate everything that stood still. We travel now, have a blast and enjoy everyone else’s efforts.
    P.S. that twat light meme? Priceless!

    Reply

  7. I totally get this. I feel bad buying a tree and decorating it without the 2 away at college. Plus my parents decided to gift my sisters and I with those china (or whatver breakable shit they are made of) Christmas houses. Now I have a collection and have very few places to set them up and I worry they will break. Ugh.

    I was born Dec 30th and although I swore I would not- I had 3 babies at Christmas time. Busy? Gift buying? Dessert making? I practically pull my hair out!

    Reply

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