My Teen Makes More Money Than I Do

So let me just start by saying that I’m sorry (again) for not getting my regular Tuesday post up this week. I still can’t talk about it much, but let’s just say life is in transition right now and because of major transitions at work, I am currently drowning.

I just noticed the really shitty grammar in this meme and I’m leaving it. That’s how many fucks I have to give at this point.

For the sake of not having to apologize repeatedly (and for the sake of ML James not staying up until 12:01 a.m. to read my latest post), let me just say that for the forseeable future, I will post when I have the time to write. Like right now, for example. I’m stuffing a salad in my face and avoiding the ten unheard voicemails on my work phone.

Unfortunately, other than work stuff, I don’t have a lot to write about and I can’t write about the work stuff because…well…I need to keep working for now. My life right now is just one big cycle of waking up, going to work, working non-stop for ten to twelve hours, driving home, watching an episode of Mad Men (that’s the latest series The Husband Dude and I are watching on Netflix) while I eat dinner, then go to bed. Wake up and repeat.

It seems quite right that we’re watching Mad Men because my building I’m temporarily stuck in was built during that era and frankly, there’s a lot of smoking and drinking going on here during work hours, sooooo….

I’ve probably said too much already. And no, I’m not the one smoking and drinking during work hours but that doesn’t mean I won’t.

Anyway, I was momentarily distracted this morning by the sight of a tweaker rubbing her face and head for approximately twenty minutes just outside my building. My ninth floor view of Tulsa faces West, where I can see the refinery, the river and several old homes that line the street directly underneath our building.

Tweaker girl apparently decided the bright yellow patio chair someone has in their side yard would make a good place to sit down and remove the imaginary ants crawling all over her. We (my officemate and I) watched her for almost half an hour before she finally got up and wobbled down the street and around the corner, still rubbing furiously at her face.

The Oklahoma Meth was strong with that one.

Anyway, living your life in front of a computer monitor twelve hours a day doesn’t really give you much to write about, so this post will be short, but one of my few bright spots of the day is driving my kiddo to school in the morning.

I should preface this story by saying that Shane has become somewhat of a “known” element at his high school because he’s a natural entertainer and he has a strong presence on social media. One of his pastimes is to dance in the courtyard at school on his lunch break.

Yes. Literally dances. He puts on a Spotify playlist and busts a move. He has been knows to gather a crowd around him and engage in “dance battles” and even though you’d think other kids might find this bizarre or give him a hard time (because that’s what would’ve happened in my day), the exact opposite has happened.

Apparently, they love it. They video him and post it on social media. I’ve had more than one parent I didn’t know come up to me at functions and tell me they’ve seen videos of Shane dancing at school that their kids have showed them. He has had more than one kid tell him they wished they had as much confidence as him.

All this is to preface the conversation we had on the drive to school yesterday:

Shane: Hey, Mom. You know how I always dance at lunch?

Me: Yeah.

Shane: Well…I sort of make money at it.

Me: What? What are you talking about?

Shane: You know how I always eat one of those small cans of Pringles for my snack?

Me: Yeah...

Shane: Well, when I dance, the other kids put money in my Pringles can.

Me: Are you serious?

Shane: Yeah. I didn’t ask them to. About two weeks ago, I was dancing and this kid wanted to give me a buck, and he stuffed it in my Pringles can. It was just sitting there ‘cuz I had just finished it.

Me: And the kid gave you a dollar?

Shane: Yeah. And then some other kids gave me money too.

Me: Like how much???

Shane: Well, mostly dollar bills. A few give me change. One girl gave me a five dollar bill!

Me: How much have you made???

Shane: I dunno, but yesterday I made $13!

Me: You’re kidding me!

Shane: No. It’s true.

Me: Man. I need to take you downtown and let you dance while the homeless guy beats on those five-gallon buckets like they’re drums. But, you know, this could be against school rules. Do the teachers know kids are paying you?

Shane: I dunno, but an administrator walked by and saw the crowd around me and didn’t say anything. But he didn’t see my Pringles can either. But what rule is it breaking?

Me: Well…I can’t think of one offhand, but I just have a feeling they would stop it if they saw it. Listen, you know me…I never turn down an opportunity to make a buck, but if they tell you to stop, you’ll have to stop.

Shane: Ok.

This morning, this is what he told me:

Shane: Hey Mom…you know how I’m making money by dancing?

Me: Yeah…

Shane: Yesterday I made $25!!!

Me: You’re kidding! How long did you dance?

Shane: Only ten minutes.

Me: You made $25 in ten minutes?

Shane: Yeah.

Me: *Breaking down how much I make per hour*

Clearly, I need to rethink my career choices.

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring!