If you read my blog regularly, you probably noticed I didn’t post anything on Friday as I usually do. I apologize (and sorry, Mona, if you stayed up for nothing!). Sometimes life really does get in the way and last week, life threw me a big curveball that unfortunately, I can’t talk about.
Don’t worry. I’m still employed. My health is fine. We are still buying a house. Nobody died.
It was just one of those crazy, sort of out of left field but not really, kind of things that means life will be a little different for me from now on. One of those hard lefts we sometimes have to make even though we don’t want to and weren’t expecting to.
Last week was a hard one for my Satan’s Butthole family too. Friday, they closed the doors for the last time in Tulsa, and I was inundated with Facebook posts and emails and text messages reminding me that the only constant in life is change. I hated the place in those last few years, but it was my home for seventeen years and I loved the people. Many of them became family.
It’s hard to see everybody go their separate ways.
Let’s face it. Change is just hard.
So, today I’m doing something a little different. Whenever I feel changes coming on in my life and I feel anxiety and I worry about the future, I turn to music a lot to help me through.
There’s one song, in particular, that I always seems to put on the playlist and repeat often. Anybody my age would be familiar with it. It’s Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.
I don’t know if it was intended to be a song about changes, but that’s how the lyrics speak to me. I remember when our daughter and son-in-law were at the hospital having our youngest grandbaby and The Husband Dude and I kept Molly, our older granddaughter for a few days.
Molly was only about a year and a half old and not old enough to comprehend all the changes going on in her little life, but I could tell she could sense something was off. Every night, when I was trying to put her down to sleep, I would rock her and sing her to sleep.
Full disclosure. My mother was a singer. I am not. But my mother sang to us all the time, so I sang to Shane and now I sing to my grandbabies. I’m not like other grandmas, though. I don’t sing lullabies. I sing songs I like, and when Molly was becoming a big sister, I used to sing Landslide to her every night. I didn’t think about it at the time, but maybe in my own subconscious way, I was trying to let her know the changes were going to be ok.
Landslide
I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
‘Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh, I’m getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down, oh oh
The landslide will bring it down
Here’s one of my favorite performances of this song. I’m thinking about all of you going through changes right now.
It’s going to be ok.
Rivergirl says
September 3, 2019 at 6:13 amI adore this song. A new agey friend of ours played it at her wedding as she walked down the aisle and though that sounds weird, it was perfect. And yes while sometimes change is frightening…. good things can come from it in the end.
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 8:29 amIt’s one of my all-time favorites. Just a beautiful, timeless song.
MamaTrek says
September 3, 2019 at 6:15 amI love this song and if Son ever gets married, I want this to be the song they play for the Mother-Son dance at the reception.
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 8:29 amThat would be beautiful!
Tamra MorningStar says
September 3, 2019 at 8:16 amIt is a beautiful, poignant, song of truth.
It often times makes me cry. I bawled my eyes out before I could type this.
Tears of cleansing…
For letting go
For the joy of good memories
For the excitement of new adventure
For the risk & fear of the unknown
For the landslide coming down.
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 8:29 amI feel you and hear you, my friend. Can’t wait to see you soon.
Demolition puppy says
September 3, 2019 at 8:17 amIt’s kinda funny, almost two weeks ago my bf played this while we were listening to music. I was a few days away from having total knee replacement surgery and a few days post having to have our older dog put down. I never knew how much of a change I was facing and now 2 weeks later it seems so much more poignant. My mother who was supposed to help me post surgery and my bf got into a fight and now my mother wants nothing to do with me unless I leave him. So things are still changing and this song seems even more appropriate now. I seems to always come back to it when I’m lost and alone
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 8:30 amI’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Music is therapy. I hope you find some peace and resolution!
M.L. James says
September 3, 2019 at 9:08 amOh Kat, I’m so sorry that Satan’s Butthole has closed down completely — not for the idiot bosses there, but because you’re right, there were a group of you that were family! Hopefully, your co-workers were able to find better positions for themselves and weren’t caught off-guard. I know they gave everyone ample notice that this was going to happen. But then it happens and becomes real. Surreal. Love Stevie Nicks and I understand completely why Landslide would be so special, especially at this time. It’s a special song for so many moments in our lives. May you and your co-workers go through the grieving and healing process and find only wonder and joy and good things in the aftermath! ~ M
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 10:11 amI think most of them are ok. Many of them were fortunate enough to be able to retire. One good thing Satan’s Butthole had was a great retirement package…if you could survive working there long enough. The others are now weighing options. We’ve all known for a long time, but it’s still sad when it happens!
Lori says
September 3, 2019 at 12:20 pmAlways loved that song, but it became a pivotal song during a difficult time, so I don’t listen to it much anymore. Someday, I will again. Yes, there are changes, but you will prevail. You always do, and you never fail to appreciate where you were, and how far you’ve come.
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 12:30 pmThanks, Lori. I do always land on my feet. Wishing the best for all my friends going through changes right now too!
Boo says
September 3, 2019 at 1:45 pmLife loves to throw curve balls. Sometimes you catch ’em. Sometimes not. Most of the time they hit me in the head and knock me on my ass.
Have a great week!!
Kat says
September 3, 2019 at 3:29 pmSame here! Have a good week!
Ernie says
September 3, 2019 at 9:55 pmI had a very upsetting day today. (Yesterday was awful too- a family hired me to sit for their kids in my in home daycare and backed out at the last minute. Literally. Cost me $11,000 and I sit for reachers’kids so good luck filling that spot now.) Also something I cannot talk about yet on my blog but maybe in the next few months. A family thing we have been working on for awhile did not work out. Heart breaking.
I never know the names of songs but once the words are printed or if I hear it on the radio, then I recognize it. Great tune indeed!
As an aside, Coach used to rock our babies or walk them when they were fussy. No normal lullabyes for him. He sang the only thing he claimed to know: the theme song to Gilligan’s island. ‘A ship set sail . . . ‘ I was like ‘wait, what are you doing?!’ Ha! The kids locmve that story.
Kat says
September 4, 2019 at 11:19 amHey…The Gilligan’s Island theme is pretty awesome! 🙂 I hope some of these changes you’re going through work themselves out!!!