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Freak.

The Broken Arrow Expressway Can Suck It

By: 17 Comments

Yes. I said it.

Yes, I know I just wrote a blog post about my new commute. Well, we can subtitle this post…

Commute…The Sequel

Dude, I cannot tell you how shitty my commute home was this afternoon. I have just one question.

IS THERE A GODDAMNED ROAD IN TULSA THAT’S NOT UNDER FUCKING CONSTRUCTION????

I live in Broken Arrow, which is basically a suburb of Tulsa. It really shouldn’t be so difficult to get from Broken Arrow to Downtown Tulsa. There’s this nifty little highway known as The Broken Arrow Expressway. I can drop Shane off at the high school in the morning and literally hop on the expressway less than a mile from there.

Theoretically, the expressway will take me all the way to an exit just a few blocks from the building where I work. Theoretically, this is sixteen miles and should take approximately twenty minutes. Theoretically, it should be very convenient.

Unfortunately, there is no theory here.

So, live the experience with me. You hop on the westbound expressway in Broken Arrow and traffic is pretty cool until you get to the junction with I-44. That’s when everyone is trying to merge right so they can exit onto I-44 but nobody ever gets over to the right ahead of time.

No.

They wait until the last possible minute when the traffic is bumper to bumper, then they slam on their brakes and make a hard right across three lanes. Turn signal optional.

So, after you narrowly avoid twenty rear-end collisions, you continue on to mid-town where the seventh circle of Hell construction begins. This is where three lanes of traffic narrow down to two, but more importantly, it’s where dip shits who don’t read bright orange signs suddenly realize their lane is about to end even though they’ve been warned for at least a mile.

So again, the hard merges to the right, some road rage, and a lot of four letter words.

And that’s just in my car.

The construction pretty much continues all the rest of the way to the exit downtown, but this wasn’t the best part. The best part is the commute home.

See, the exit to get to work is only a couple blocks from my destination, but the entrance to go back, that’s conveniently located nearby, is…you guessed it…blocked with construction.

So you drive down 15th street to Utica because there’s another entrance there and you’re thinking that maybe the traffic will be less there because it’s farther out from the heart of downtown. Except you get down there and you can see that traffic on the expressway is nearly at a standstill and there’s a line of cars all the way back to the light, waiting to get on.

You see, somebody in their infinite wisdom, thought it would be a great idea to narrow the lanes down from three or four to two and instead of having room to merge, people trying to get on have to just stop and wait for their opportunity like they’re playing a fucking game of Frogger.

So you pass the line of cars and head on down to Lewis, make a right, and go back over to 15th because you know you can get to Yale and catch the expressway there and you should be past the construction at that point. Except part of 15th is under construction and narrows down to one lane going each direction. You don’t have far to go, though, because Yale is coming up…

…and you make your right turn onto Yale smack into the middle of bumper to bumper traffic. You know why? Because the light at 21st isn’t working. So, everyone is having to take turns like it’s a four-way stop sign. And after you’ve screamed “fuck this” about twenty times, you take the opportunity to turn into the Target parking lot, make a U-turn and go back the way you came.

Back on 15th you make your way to Sheridan, which is the neighborhood where The Husband Dude grew up. You’re kind of familiar with the area and you consider trucking on past your father-in-law’s house to Memorial and then head south to the expressway again, but then you remember that Memorial is down to one lane each direction between 21st and 31st, so instead you make a right on Sheridan and FINALLY catch the expressway there. After waiting for an eternity, you make your left and step on the gas and finally feel like you’re moving…

…until you catch sight of a million red brake lights in the distance. The expressway is backed up as far as you can see. Hard right across three lanes with people honking at you, but you no longer give a shit and you give them your finest salute as you exit at Mingo.

It’s entirely possible you’ve only traveled a mile on the expressway.

You give up and take Mingo all the way to south Tulsa, then turn east on 91st. Guess what? Ninety-first is narrowed to one lane each direction right where Tulsa turns into Broken Arrow and you almost go that way because it goes right past your favorite liquor store and you REALLY need a drink now, but instead you decide it’s best to take the back way into your neighborhood.

A couple more turns and you take one of the three entrances into your neighborhood…forgetting it’s the one under construction.

One lane only.

Fuck my life.

Fifty-five minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

How was your Monday?

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Comments

  1. Kat,
    What you are going through is one of my worst nightmares — and you know, I can have some pretty awful nightmares! I swear, I better not be influenced by this post when I go to sleep tonight!!!! Other than that…I got to have people yell at me aka criticize me throughout the day. FAF! Plus the heat index here was over 110 degrees and I had to be out in it. Glad that’s over! Hope your Tuesday is better than your Monday. Mine too. Mona

    Reply

      • Kat, a little before 6:30 this morning, the cool front came whooshing through and OH MY GOD! YESSSSSS!!!! It’s only supposed to be 87 or 88 today. The rain is going to make for treacherous driving but DA BREEZE, DA BREEZE! It’s wonderful. It’s magical. It’s mist-ical. (see what I did there?) I just want to go outside and dance around like Julie Andrews and sing out loud like in The Sound of Music. I would too, except, I’m not one to tempt fate aka lightning, which we are also getting plenty of ! So, yea…Okay, I’m calm again. Anyway, if it’s wet in your neck of the woods, well I know you’ll be extra careful; but I also hope you’re getting some relief from the insufferable heat, my friend! ~ M

        Reply

        • Yes! We got the cold front last night in the form of severe thunderstorms, but now the rest of the week is supposed to be below average in temperatures, so Yay!

          Reply

  2. Guuuurl…I feel you.

    I live in Texas, where our state tree is also the fucking road cone. Because as soon as they widen/fix/what the fuck ever one part of (insert road here), they have to go back and do it all over again so it’s CONSTANTLY under construction.

    I lived with construction on the main road through my town (they were widening it from 2 lanes to 6 and various other shit) for something like SIX fucking years.

    I hate construction. Hate hate hate hate hate. LOATHE entirely. As Jim Carrey’s Grinch would say.

    Reply

  3. I feel your pain. Traffic is becoming the number 1 stress inducer in this country. My husband drives an hour on I-295 each way to work and back and he is not a patient man. I swear if I took his blood pressure when he walked through the door, he’d pop the cuff. I have no sage advice… just try not to kill anyone.

    Reply

    • Just hoping our building gets renovated FAST and I can go back to a thirty minute country drive every day! Or fifteen minutes once we move to our new house!

      Reply

  4. Welcome to Tulsa where there is 3 months of winter and 9 months of bad sledding AKA road construction. We have that here in WI too but it’s 9 months of winter and 3 months of bad sledding and road construction signs seem to stay up all year warning us of spring.

    *sigh*

    Reply

    • Pennsylvania invented the orange cone for everyone to use as a state bird. As a matter of fact, my husband cannot back up the car IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE because there is a big, 3×3 metal sign placed a foot off the bumper, warning that there is a flock of state birds ahead, causing a detour and non-stop traffic all day. I shit you not.

      This is why I don’t leave my house.

      Reply

  5. Heat index over 110? You wussies. It was 113 here in Az yesterday, pretty sure the heat index was around 120. LOL Oh and Az has roads just like Texas and Ok. , apparently and the best part of our road construction is they don’t start until the kids go back to school, cause it’s too hot in the summer to be able to work on the roads. I have actually also seen a road closure that was canceled due to weather being to cold and it was in the 80’s. I just stay confused and add 30 minutes to the trip to anywhere out here

    Reply

    • Sherry, I’m from El Paso. I understand that kind of heat well. I was raised in it! But I’ll take that dry heat over this humidity crap any day of the week. Walking outside and feeling like a dense, hot fog is laying on your chest is NOT fun! LOL

      Reply

  7. I do the vast majority of swearing in my car at traffic. The 401 here is exactly the same. Highways would be perfect if there were no other people on them.

    Reply

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