Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

As I write this, I’m watching the news and watching the waters rise from the Arkansas River all around us. We are fortunate to live far enough away from any bodies of water, that thus far we aren’t affected by flood. We are, however, affected by the storms that keep rolling through.

On Saturday night, I had finally drifted off to sleep when the familiar alarm on my phone sounded off, warning of an impending storm. I staggered out from under the covers to where my phone was charging and saw the tornado warning for our area. The storm sirens outside started playing their familiar song.

I should say that none of this is foreign to anyone who has spent any amount of time in Oklahoma. You don’t panic, even as your phone and the sirens outside tell you that you should. I, however, do get moving a little faster than The Husband Dude.

I came into the living room where he was watching a movie and asked him to turn on the news. At that particular moment, there were about four or five confirmed funnels moving in a toward the East. One of them was moving in a line directly over our little section of Broken Arrow. We had twenty minutes before it arrived.

“Can I put my movie back on?” The Husband Dude yawned.

Yeah. He’s THAT guy.

“Ummm…I don’t think so. They just said that funnel is going right over us. I believe we’ll watch the weather until is passes,” I told him.

That’s when they announced the one headed toward us was on the ground in Sapulpa, which is just a few miles to the west of us.

In our house, when it comes to severe weather, we are a little bit like the Three Bears. Shane’s porridge is too hot. He instantly goes into panic and anxiety mode and heads straight to our safe place (the powder room under the stairs). The Husband Dude is always too cold. Not only does he ask if he can keep watching his movie, he doesn’t go anywhere near our safe place and usually heads for the nearest exterior door to get a better look. He’s Oklahoman, through and through.

I like to think my porridge is just right. I don’t panic. I do watch the weather and I do take it seriously, and if the funnel is going over my damned house you’ll find me in the safe place with my hyper-ventilating teenager, with all of my Mom’s most valuable jewelry stuffed in my pockets.

You CAN take it with you, and I intend to prove it.

That’s what I did Saturday night. I got dressed and put on real shoes. Yes, underwear too. This is not the time to be caught braless, ladies. Put your teeth in, too, people. When they interview you on the ten o’clock news, you need to represent us well.

After dressing, you grab what you want to take in the safe room with you. Purse, phone, charger. Stuff the cat into a carrier and he goes in the safe room too. Put the dog’s thunder coat on her and then her leash and she goes in too, shaking like a leaf. Shane is already in there, Snapchatting or Instagramming or whatever kids these days use to post selfies in a state of terror.

When the storm chaser on the TV announced power flashes (the sign at night that a funnel is actually on the ground and is hitting power lines) at an intersection not far from us, The Husband Dude casually strolled into the bedroom and put on a real pair of pants.

That, my friends, is how I know shit is getting real. He put on PANTS. And shoes!

Then he made a beeline for the back door.

“Come look at this!” he called to me.

I joined him at the back door and looked to the west where he was looking. Even in the dark, we could see the clouds moving toward us.

“Fuck this shit, I’m going to the bathroom,” I told him and headed to the hidey-hole.

“Here it comes!” he yelled as he shut the door and we could hear the wind roaring over us.

Then the power flickered and came back on.

“It’s still on!” Walter Cronkite announced from his perch by the back window.

Then it went off again.

“It’s off!” Dan Rather yelled over the sound of the roaring wind. You know. Because sitting in total darkness wasn’t a good hint.

Long story short, the funnel went over us instead of through us, which is a good thing. We managed to get by with no damage other than some tree debris, but our power was out for 12 hours, so we lost everything in the refrigerator.

And guess what? We’re supposed to get MORE storms tonight! More rain! More hail! More tornadoes!

Until next time…Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring.