I’m OK. I’m Just In A Coma.

So if you were paying any attention at all (and I certainly don’t expect you to), I did not publish a blog post on Friday.

Some of you are probably scratching your heads, wondering why I would think you would care about my regular Tuesday and Friday posting schedule. It’s because of the handful of you that actually wait for my post to come out. Some of you have caught on and know that my post always publishes at 1:00 a.m. C.S.T. on Tuesday and Friday and some of you have even told me you sometimes wait up just to read it.

YOU, my good people, are the main reason I’m still doing this. You kick ass and I love you.

If you’re reading this at all, just know I love you too and I appreciate that anybody besides my besties and my daughter read this nonsense.

As I was saying, though, I failed to publish anything last Friday.

I’d like to say I was doing something noble like feeding the homeless or organizing a fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders. What I was really doing was slipping into a coma as I ate my third roll and binge-watched Sons of Anarchy again on Netflix.

Because nothing says “Thanksgiving” like watching a biker Mom kill her daughter-in-law with a meat fork in the skull.

Sorry if that spoiled anything for you.

At about 10:30 Thursday evening, I realized that I hadn’t really prepared anything for my blog the next day and I actually considered getting out my laptop and trying to think of something cute. Then Charlie Hunnam’s naked ass walked across my screen and I’m pretty sure I forgot how to spell my name, so you can blame my lack of a blog post on Friday on my food-coma brain being distracted by a hottie with a fake reaper tattoo on his back.

Speaking of which, The Husband Dude and I had the following discussion about our friends across the pond:

Me: Did you hear that? Charlie Hunnam slipped out of his American accent a little on that last sentence.

The Husband Dude: Have you ever noticed how many English actors come over here and get really popular on T.V. shows? Charlie Hunnam in SOA. Andrew Lincoln in The Walking Dead.

Me: Don’t forget Hugh Laurie in House.

THD: Exactly! (Gives me side eye.) It’s not right. All these good looking English guys coming over and stealing jobs from American actors.

Me: (laughing) Stealing jobs from American actors?

THD: Yeah. I think we need to build a wall.

Me: (laughing more) We’re going to build a wall across the Atlantic? To stop good-looking English actors from stealing roles from American actors? And are we going to make England pay for it?

Us:

Did I mention we’re a wee bit sarcastic at our house?

Anyway, my apologies to anyone who was expecting a blog post on Friday. I’ll try not to gorge myself on ham and dressing and let hot British men walk naked across my T.V. screen too often so that I can actually get my work done when I need to.

In other news, Facebook’s “Memories” feature has reminded me of holidays past. I posted this two Thanksgivings ago and thought you might find it amusing:

My Thanksgiving as told by my Google searches:

5:00 a.m. – “Cooking time for 10 lb ham.”

5:30 a.m. – “What time does Starbucks open?”

6:05 a.m. – “Why does my dog drink so much water?”

7:15 a.m. – “Get dog urine out of carpet.”

7:50 a.m. – “What time is Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade?”

8:05 a.m. – “Matt Lauer bald (images)

11:35 a.m. – “Soup recipes for ham bone.”

11:45 a.m. – “Why is my dog always hungry?”

11:55 a.m. – “Will a whole pan of cornbread kill my dog?”

12:00 p.m. – “Get dog vomit out of carpet.”

2:35 p.m. – “Glam dishwashing gloves”

3:00 p.m. – “Replacement china Lennox Poppies on Blue”

4:45 p.m. – “What time does Starbucks close?”

5:00 p.m. – “Clean iced tea out of carpet.”

5:05 p.m. – “Is Aspen Liquor open?”

5:15 p.m. – “How many parts rum to Coke?”

5:35 p.m. – “Texas A&M v LSU game time”

6:10 p.m. – “Weight loss surgery patient ate too much pie I think I’m dying”

6:15 p.m. – “New carpet prices”

6:35 p.m. – “How much rum and Coke can I drink without being hung over for work tomorrow?”

Shameless Advertising

Friends, the Christmas shopping season is in full swing. This year, as you’re invading the big box stores for your T.V.’s, electronics, toys and gadgets, I hope you’ll also consider patronizing small businesses. Do you have friends who work at direct sales for companies like Younique, Scentsy, Tastefully Simple, Pampered Chef, Avon, Rodan & Fields?

Please consider buying from them for your Christmas gifts. All the friends I know who sell for these companies are hard-working women who are trying to supplement their family’s income or build an actual business they can run themselves so they can quit working at the Satan’s Buttholes of the world. Give them a boost this holiday season. Walfart and Amazon are not going to be hurting if you decide to buy your stocking stuffers from a friend rather than from a billion dollar company.

If you feel so inclined, please visit my Zazzle store and pick up a few humorous gifts. My goal isn’t to get rich from my designs, but I do use the money I make from the store to fund this blog and keep it free from really annoying ads that would ruin your reading experience. I would be most grateful if you considered making a purchase!

This is the link to my newest collection: Angel Who Swears At Work.

 

I also made a naughty Christmas card:

 

And don’t forget my newest mug and magnet featuring my signature line!

 

Until next time, Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring!