Conversations With Toddlers

The Husband Dude and I got to watch our granddaughters last weekend while their parents went out for a much-needed movie.

As cute and cuddly and sweet as babies are, things really don’t get interesting until kids start walking and talking. Molly is four and Brooklin will be three in a month. This is how our evening went.

Food Critic

We had just walked in the door from my brother-in-law’s house where we had a birthday celebration. We literally had just eaten hamburgers, hotdogs, pasta salad, beans, coleslaw, birthday cake and ice cream.

Molly (opening my pantry): Can we have a snack?

Me: Molly, you JUST ate a big meal!

Molly: I’m still hungry!

Brooklin: Me too! Me too!

Me: Well, what do you want? We have popcorn.

Molly: Yeah! Popcorn.

Brooklin: No. Let’s eat something else.

Me: How about apple slices?

Molly: Yeah! Apple slices!

Brooklin: No. Let’s eat something else.

Me: How about crackers and peanut butter?

Molly: Yeah! Crackers and peanut butter!

Brooklin: No. Let’s eat something else.

Me: Ok, Brookie. There’s not much left. I’m not going to feed you a bunch of junk. You’ve already got a Sprite that I bought you. How about some Honey Nut Cheerios without the milk? You can eat it like chips.

Molly: Yeah! Cheerios!

Brooklin: *stares at me*

Me: *stares at Brooklin*

Brooklin:

Me: I’m going to take that as a yes.

Obsessed With The Dark

We settled into the living room to watch TV. Normally on Saturday night, we watch Svengoolie. If you’re not familiar with Svengoolie, he’s a horror host on MeTV that shows really old, B level horror movies or sometimes just wacky movies like “Abbot and Costello Go To Mars”. He usually tells jokes between commercials and the whole thing has intentionally low production values and cheesiness.

On this particular evening, The Husband Dude had Svengoolie on and I realized pretty quickly that while we may understand how cheesy the movie and show are, it might not seem that way to a four year old and two year old. We switched to PBS Kids and started watching some adventure show where two brothers teach you about wild animals.

Brooklin (settling into my lap): It’s starting to get dark.

Me (looking around at broad daylight): Ummm…yes, the sun is starting to go down. Why? Is it your bedtime?

Brooklin: No.

Fifteen minutes later.

Brooklin: It’s starting to get dark.

Me: Yes, baby. It is darker than it was fifteen minutes ago.

Fifteen minutes later (it’s actually starting to get dark).

Brooklin: It’s really dark now! You need to turn that light off (points to the big lamp in the corner).

Me: Well, you better ask Pappy if he’ll turn it off.

Brooklin: Pappy, will you turn the light off?

THD gets up and turns off the big lamp.

Brooklin: And that one! (points to the small lamp on the desk).

THD turns it off.

Brooklin: And that one! (points to the lamp on the side table).

THD turns it off and we’re left with only a decorative floor lamp that puts off about as much light as a night light.

THD: Why do you want it so dark, Brookie? Are we going to sleep?

Brooklin: No. But it’s really dark in here.

This Girl Is On Fiy-ah!

Brooklin: I want to watch Cat Boy!

Me: Catboy?

Molly: Yeah! PJ Max!

Me: You want to watch PJ Max?

THD: I thought that was a department store.

Me: That’s TJ Maxx.

Molly: That’s what I said. PJ Max!

Me to Molly: Brookie says she wants to watch Cat Boy.

Molly (looking frustrated at how uneducated her grandmother is): Mimi, Cat Boy is on PJ Max. So is Owlette and Gecko.

Me: I don’t know if we have that. Is it on Netflix?

Brooklin: You have it Mimi!

Me: Well, I’ll have to check, Brookie, because I’ve never heard of it.

Brooklin: You have it Mimi!

Me (picking up my phone): Let me Google it.

THD to me: What are you doing?

Molly: She’s Doodling it, Pappy!

Me: Yeah, I’m Doodling it. Ok…here it is…it’s called PJ Masks, not Max.

Molly (getting REALLY frustrated): That’s what I said! PJ MAX!

Brooklin: You have it Mimi!

Me: It’s on Netflix.

We turn on the first episode of PJ Masks.

Brooklin: I told you, you have it, Mimi.

Molly (hops off the couch): THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!!!

And then, it was as though another being from another realm suddenly inhabited our oldest grandchild and she started jumping up and down and dancing and rambling in a run-on sentence:

Molly: And this one is Romeo and this one is Ninja and he’s blue no he’s purple and this one is Cat Boy and there’s three of them no five of them and I can’t stop jumping and I watch this movie every time and Brookie says Cat Boy Cat Boy and I don’t like that I’m filled with the power of the Holy Spirit and I’m going to scratch Kova’s butt!

She stops jumping and starts rubbing the dog’s backside. Kova turns around and licks Molly’s face and Molly grabs both sides of her head and looks into her eyes:

Molly: You’re so pretty! I can’t handle it!

THD and Me:

THD (leaning over to whisper): Don’t give her anymore Sprite.

Meanwhile, Brooklin has observed all of this very passively from my lap, as though she’s quite used to it.

Brooklin: I told you, you have it, Mimi!

Me: Yes, yes you did.

Brooklin: It’s really dark in here!

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring.