I Might Be Part Sasquatch

Hello Again, Friends. We’ve started another week and another new adventure.

Our oldest son just recently announced he’s getting married and we’re thrilled for him. His fiancée is a lovely lady and we couldn’t be happier for them. But they’re getting married soon.

In June.

About eight weeks from now.

And I have to slide my butt into a pair of Spanx and a dress.

And I have to squeeze my feet into a double-wide, extra short pair of dress shoes.

The horror.

I’m not going to lie. Dress shopping is not nearly as horrible now as it was when I was heavier. I often used to have to settle for something that “just fits” and that hopefully didn’t make me sweat like someone who just got pulled over on the highway with a trunk full of drugs, weapons and dead bodies.

There are still things that make it difficult, though. I still have lumps and rolls that have to be squished into some kind of control top underwear.

I cannot stress how important control top undergarments are, ladies. A proper pair of Spanx will take my C-section belly pooch, push it up into a muffin top which then will push my boobs up and make it look like I have twenty-year old cleavage that has never provided lunch for a two month old baby.

I’ll let you chew on that visual for a while.

One of the other advantages of losing weight is that I pay a lot less for my clothes. I’ve always thought it was horrible that plus-size women are forced to pay double and triple for their clothes. Some of you “regular” size gals may not be aware of that, and I don’t think I was fully aware until I was able to start shopping in the “Ladies” section instead of the “Women’s” section.

I get that they have to cost a little more. There’s obviously more fabric in a plus size dress because the sizes are larger. But then why isn’t there such a disproportionate difference between a size 2 garment and a size 10 garment? Clearly, there’s WAY more fabric in the 10 than the 2, but they usually cost the same. It isn’t until you add that “W” to the size that it costs more.

I know this because I accidentally picked up a pair of jeans once that were 14W instead of 14 and the same pair of jeans were more expensive in the 14W. You can’t tell me there’s enough extra fabric in the 14W to charge that much more. We all know what’s going here.

That’s one of the reasons I take a smaller royalty on the plus sized clothes I see in my shop on Zazzle. Zazzle chooses the base price and then designers can add a percentage on top of that, depending on how much they want to make on the product. I can’t control the fact that Zazzle (like every other retailer in the world) charges more for plus sized clothing, but I take a much smaller percentage of royalty on each product to try to keep the final cost to my customers a little lower.

Here’s a shameless plug for my Plus Size collection.

Luckily, now that I can shop in the smaller sizes, I’ve discovered I can get really inexpensive clothes on Amazon. I’m not going to tell you they’re always the best quality, but when you need something dressy that you probably won’t wear much and you need it quickly, Amazon is the way to go. They do carry plus sizes but the only thing I would caution you about is reading reviews because even in the smaller sizes, sometimes the sizes are inaccurate. The reviews will usually tell you if the sizing in on point or really wrong.

If you’re a “really have to try it on first” kind of person, I highly recommend Ross if you have one in your area. Sometimes you can score a designer dress at the fraction of the original price and they also carry plus sizes. I actually have to stay out of Ross because they also carry home goods and I’ve never walked out of there without buying a couple of outfits and some new knick knack for the house.

I still struggle with shoes. I LOVE SHOES! And hate them.

Why?

Because I was blessed with a short, double-wide foot.

Everyone said when I lost weight that my shoe size would go down as well. Those people don’t know my feet.

I’ve always had to buy wide-width shoes, ever since I was pretty small. My mother always thought I was being difficult and that I just wanted to be able to wiggle my toes in my shoes because, unless we were going out somewhere, I was barefooted.

Shoe buying as a kid was a nightmare because the shoe salesperson would measure my foot and then I’d try on every pair in that size and they hurt my feet. My mother would get mad and my Dad would announce he was going out to the car and my brother would complain because it only took him five minutes to pick out a pair of shoes. Then I would cry because I was terrified Mom was going to buy me an awful pair of toe-pinching shoes that I’d be forced to wear every day.

She’d usually end up getting a pair that was a half size bigger, just to appease me, and I felt like I was wearing clown shoes because the toe area flopped around awkwardly but at least they didn’t hurt.

It wasn’t until a kindly salesman, who apparently actually gave a damn, finally told my mother that I wasn’t making up the whole toe-pinching scenario. He had my mom look at my feet, REALLY look at them.

“The widest point on most people’s feet is here,” he told her, squeezing to top of my foot, where my toes started. “But the widest part of your daughter’s foot is across her actual toes. Do you see how they sort of fan out a little? Most toe boxes on shoes would be too narrow for that because shoe manufacturers make the widest part of the shoe back here.”

My mother blinked as she looked, and then the realization hit her.

Her daughter was not a whiny, complaining Diva.

Her daughter was a Hobbit being forced to wear Human shoes.

I’ve been shopping in the wide-width section ever since.

Let me tell you something. If you think finding pretty, comfortable and affordable plus-size clothes is difficult, try finding pretty, comfortable and affordable wide-width shoes.

Payless is about the only place I could ever find wide-widths locally and they didn’t carry every style in those sizes. If I find a pair I like that are comfortable, I buy them in every size available.

Ross occasionally carries wides but that’s usually a catch-it-when-you-can thing.

Except for dressing up, I really only live in three styles of shoes these days: flip flops, Bear Paw boots, and the occasional sneaker.

Flip flops are easy. My foot is truly a 7 1/2 but if I buy them in an 8, they work out pretty well.

I do the same thing with Bear Paws. They don’t come in wide widths, but they’re so roomy and comfortable that if I buy an 8, they’re super comfy without feeling like floppy clown shoes.

Sneakers are more tricky. If I can get a 7 1/2 wide, that’s usually the best scenario, but companies like Converse don’t make wide sizes and most of the wide width tennis shoes out there look like something the nuns used to wear at my Catholic high school. I did find a pair of gold sparkly Converse high tops in a size 8 that I absolutely love, but the silver low top ones I found were pure torture, so it’s really pretty hit or miss.

Of course, a wedding requires dress shoes. I’ll try to buy a dress that goes with shoes I already own because dress shoes usually require ordering online for me. I love Zappos because they carry beautiful shoes in wide widths but they’re not cheap. It isn’t a trip to Payless, for sure.

I just love a beautiful pair of heels, but just try finding a pair that fits a baby sasquatch foot. Not easy.

So, dear friends, wish me luck as I embark on the quest for the perfect dress/shoe combo that I won’t want to rip off my body by the end of the evening.

You know. First world problems.

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring.