Conversations With The Husband Dude (Volume 2)

Jay and Gloria

A friend of mine posted in a group I belong to asking which TV couple we and our partners were most like. I said The Husband Dude and I are most like Jay and Gloria on Modern Family.

There’s the obvious stuff, like an age gap between us that isn’t typical with couples. He’s ten years older. Also, his kids were about half grown when we married and we have a son together who is much younger than his siblings. He’s kind of set in his ways like Jay and even though I’m not Hispanic, I grew up in El Paso around the culture and I speak fairly fluent Spanish, so the similarities are there.

I’m not in the least bit hot like Sofia Vergara, but this is still the closest match, as far as TV couples go.

Then there’s this…

Me (working through chat online with a tech specialist to set up my new phone): Can you read the code on this box? The tech guy says I need to type in the code.

The Husband Dude: Why can’t you read it?

Me: The numbers are tiny. Besides you already have your glasses on.

THD: Where are YOUR glasses?

Me: In my purse. They don’t work anyway.

THD: Why don’t they work?

Me: I need a new prescription. I see better without them than with them now.

THD: Well why don’t you get a new prescription?

Me: I don’t know. Just read me the numbers!

So a few days later, we’re watching the episode of Modern Family where Gloria needs glasses but she’s too vain to wear them. Jay tries all kinds of things to convince her she HAS to start wearing glasses, until his granddaughter points out how bad his hearing is and he refuses to wear a hearing aid. The show ends with this scene:

And then we had this conversation:

Me (laughing): That’s great!

The Husband Dude: What did he say?

Me: He said “I won’t be able to hear her and she won’t be able to see me” and then she said, “We’ll be together forever.”

THD: Oh. Ha. That’s funny.

Me: That’s us.

THD: What?

Me (louder): That’s us!

THD: Why do you say that?

Me: No reason.

THD: What?

Me: Nothing.

THD: What did you say?

Me (loudly): We’re going to be together forever!

Not The Walking Dead

Me: You know, if we had a zombie apocalypse, I’d like to think I’d be a bad-ass like Michonne or Carol, but I really think I’d die pretty quickly.

THD: Why do you say that?

Me: You know I’m not an outdoorsy person. I’m definitely not a survivalist type. I don’t do well when the power goes off for a couple of hours.

THD: Don’t you think I would protect you?

Me: How would you protect me?

THD (looking insulted): I can protect you. I’m strong. I know how to shoot a gun.

Me: When was the last time you shot a gun? We’ve been married almost two decades and I’ve never seen you shoot a gun.

THD: I KNOW how to shoot a gun.

Ten minutes later.

THD: Have you seen my Misfits shirt?

Me (mumbling to myself): You may know how to shoot a gun, but you’d probably lose it…

Bad Memory

Me: Do you remember what we were talking about last night that was so funny?

THD: When?

Me: When I said I need to remember that thing to put it in my blog.

THD (thinking for a moment): I can’t remember.

Me: I even said, let’s remember, and you’ll have to remind me.

THD: I remember you saying that but I don’t remember what we were talking about.

Me: I wish I could remember.

THD: I could tell you what I was doing thirty years ago, but I can’t tell you what I was doing a few days ago.

Me: I think this means we’re getting old.

A few minutes later…

THD: Did you ever remember that thing?

Me: What thing?

THD: The thing. For your thing.

Me: My thing?

THD: The thing you were trying to remember. For your thing. Your blog.

Me: Oh that! No. Couldn’t ever remember it.

THD: Too bad. It was funny.

Me: How can you possibly remember that if you don’t remember the thing?

THD (shrugs):  I remember that the thing was funny.

Stray Hair

THD: (looking in the rearview mirror) I missed something when I was trimming my goatee. Do you have your cuticle scissors?

Me: No

THD: You don’t?

Me: No

THD: But you usually carry everything.

Me: I’ve got my going-out purse. It only carries the basics.

THD: What are the basics?

Me: Lipgloss, compact, my drivers license, insurance card, credit card, cash, keys, and my phone.

THD: Do you have tweezers?

Me: No.

THD: That’s not a basic?

Me: When was the last time you saw a lady plucking chin or eyebrow hairs at the casino?

THD: Good point.

Isn’t It Romantic?

Me: Your parents were married over seventy years. Do you think we’ll make it to fifty?

THD: How old will we be?

Me: I’ll be 78, which will make you 88.

THD: I’m just trying to make it to tomorrow.

Me: Hmph. Well we made it eighteen. Do you think we’ll make it another eighteen? Will you get tired of me?

THD: I’m too effing tired to look for anybody else.

Me: Good, ’cause I’m too effing tired to get a divorce if you do.

THD: So we’re good?

Me: We’re good.

THD: Happy Anniversary.

Me: Happy Anniversary.

*Fist bump*