Cellmageddon. Never Forget.

It is with great sadness that we must bid farewell to our good friend and constant companion, Samsung Galaxy S3.

“Tres”, as he was known, was finally freed from these earthly bonds and travelled to the giant charging station in the sky on March 15, 2018.

We don’t know the exact manufacture date for Tres, but his purchase date was October 13, 2013 in Tulsa, Oklahoma. His first years were actually quite easy and peaceful, and he lived a relatively quiet existence. His activities mainly included going to work and sitting on a desk, riding quietly in the side pocket of a handbag, and then busy evenings of Facebooking and Google searches. His favorite times were plugging into the car stereo and playing the 80’s Station on Pandora.

Tres was quite impressive in his youth, from his slim, sleek profile to his 64 GB storage. His camera was state of the art, with 8MP primary camera and 1.9MP front-facing camera. His Facebook uploads were crisp and clear and his videos were near HD quality.

Tres outlived his first protective cover, a lovely white hard case with lilac flowers that accentuated his shiny purple body. After meeting at the Sprint Store, they spent three happy years together before she succumbed to cracking and chipping. Following the trend of Internet dating, he happily found a second case on Amazon.com. This second companion was soft, flexible, and clear and she protected him without hiding his outer beauty. Many people commented that it was the perfect match.

Unfortunately, tragedy struck early last year when Tres was dropped facedown on a driveway. Though his clear case did her best, she was unable to prevent an injury to his screen. He was able to function afterward just as efficiently as before, but the permanent scars from that day would remain with him to the end. We can only surmise how the psychological scar must have affected him as well.

Tres was diagnosed about two years ago with Tyrannosaurus Rex Syndrome, or TRS. He fought valiantly against it as newer, sleeker, and faster models with better cameras were introduced, but in the end, his decline was inevitable.

Those last days were difficult to witness. Tres required frequent charging and was placed in a medically induced Airplane Mode to keep him from draining what was left of his life force.

Just before being put under, he managed to squeak out his final text exhange:

“Are you off the bus?”

“Yes.”

Tres was a real trooper and managed to hang onto his last thread of life until the beautiful Samsung Galaxy S9 was delivered. He generously donated all his contact information and important data so that she could have a fresh start. We’re so glad he was able to see his replacement before he left us.

Tres was removed from life support at on March 15, 2018. It only took a couple of short hours for his life force to be drained and we all watched as his Samsung logo swirled around the screen one last time.

He is survived by his clear case, who was removed shortly after his death.

She’s feeling a little empty right now.

Our dearly beloved friend will be laid to rest in the same junk drawer as those who have gone before him: the black HTC Evo, the royal blue Samsung with the Qwerty keyboard, the pink flip phone, and the tiny walkie-talkie looking piece of crap with the antenna.

In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that everyone sign the petition for Elton John to release an updated version of “Candle in the Wind” in honor of Tres.

Or, you could just buy this shirt I designed for my shop.

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring.