I’d Like To Think The Bags Under My Eyes Are Louis Vuitton

This last weekend, we went out to one of our favorite events here in our small city of Broken Arrow. It’s called “Shamrock The Rose” and it’s a St. Patrick’s Day themed street festival that benefits an organization called Soldiers Wish**. I’ll write more about the organization in a moment.

We always have a good time at this event. They block off a large section of Main Street and set up food trucks and vending booths, and at the end of the festival area they always have a stage with live bands.

We didn’t get to spend as much time there as we usually do. As it so happened, some friends we hadn’t seen in years were in town and we met them for a late lunch and spent several hours catching up. By the time we made it to Shamrock The Rose, it was time for us to meet up with some other friends and watch the band we wanted to see.

As we sat by the stage, watching the Soldiers Wish presentation and waiting for our band, we did some people watching. I was amazed at the number of women wearing high heels.

Look, I know I’m old. And grumpy. And kind of a real bitch. I just don’t get wearing high heels to an outdoor street festival.

You’re walking. You’re standing. You’re walking some more.

It’s not a dressy occasion. There’s literally a guy standing next to you wearing a green shirt that says, “Beer Goggles” on it, and there are people walking their dogs around with green tutus on.

Totally adorable, by the way. And dressed much more appropriately for the occasion than Stiletto Girl. 

At this point in the story, you’re probably thinking to yourself that I’m just being a jealous old bitch and a stick in the mud.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I can still rock a good pair of heels like I did when I was twenty. My legs are the only body parts on me that haven’t gone to shit with old age, so I have no doubt I could turn Main Street into a catwalk and show the girls how a woman does it.

Of course, the next day, my feet would feel like I had run a marathon. Uphill. In the snow.

Just my personal opinion…wearing heels to an outdoor festival is about as useful as wearing heels to the gym. You’re not there to show off (or at least I’m not). We’re here to eat fish tacos off a food truck and drink overpriced Bud Light out of aluminum bottles so that Soldiers and their families who are going through difficult times can catch a break for once. 

Our band came on around 6:30. They are a KISS tribute band called Dressed To Kill and we have known these guys since they started around thirteen years ago. The Husband Dude was their roadie at their first shows and in their early years. We have some good memories with these guys.

Unfortunately, the skies decided to open up less than halfway through the show and we all had to make a run for cover at the nearby pavilion. Then we spent the next thirty minutes watching it pour rain and even hail a little bit while the band tried to keep going and a few die-hards stuck it out in the deluge.

Listen, DTK, I love you guys. Truly I do. THD and I will always be a couple of your biggest fans.

But…(you knew there was a “but”, right?). But…I actually stood out in a full-on, pouring rain, thunder and lightning, muddy and nasty two hours for the REAL KISS sometime in the early 2000’s when I was in my very early thirties and ended up with a horrible sinus infection that became a horrible ear infection and bronchitis.

I’m not doing that again. Not even for the real KISS. Sorry.

That’s my old lady moment.

I bet Stiletto Girl was wishing she had on her Converse when she had to run for cover.

So what does one do when their evening of drinking and eating and listening to live music get rained out?

Take it indoor to the bar, of course.

We don’t go out drinking often. THD has never been much of a drinker anyway. He drinks more now in his fifties than he did in his younger years. And by more, I mean one drink for the evening versus none.

It’s because we don’t go out often to drink, though, that I guess I enjoy it a little too much. Don’t get me wrong. My favorite Saturday night activity is to sit on the couch in pajamas and watch really bad movies, with or without an adult beverage. But when in Rome, I’m going to partake.

And I partook in three Rum and Coke doubles and half of THD’s second Jack and Coke because he was done drinking.

As you can imagine, the details of the evening are a little sketchy for me. I do remember the band at the bar was doing an acoustic set that was so loud you had to yell to talk to the people at your table. They were probably in their thirties and they were playing everything from Garth Brooks to Matchbox 20.

The Husband Dude went up and requested they play a Skid Row song, which the guy declined to do only because he wasn’t sure he would know all the words but then THD asked him play “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” by Poison, and he agreed, but wasn’t sure he would know all the words to that either.

He needn’t have worried. He only got into the first line of the song before a chorus of drunk forty- and fifty-somethings were singing the whole song for him.

That’s how you party when you’re old.

The morning after is when you realize how different your forties are from your twenties.

I actually wasn’t hungover. I haven’t drunk to the point of being sloppy drunk or getting sick in almost a decade. I’m better at pacing myself and just keeping a nice buzz going. The next morning I don’t have the loud-noises-are-actually-going-to-kill-me-headache and I don’t spend the whole day worshipping at the porcelain god.

But I definitely feel it. And look it.

In my twenties, I would wake up after a night of drinking with bags under my eyes.

Now I wake up with the whole set of luggage. Matching, of course.

So if you’re out there, Stiletto Girl, enjoy it while you can. If you’re lucky, you’ll still be able to rock those heels in your forties.

But your feet are going to be screaming at you the next day. Count on it.

** The Soldiers Wish organization is to soldiers and veterans what Make A Wish is to sick children. They help grant wishes to soldiers, veterans, and their families. For example, this year’s recipient at our event is a veteran of the Navy and Army Reserves and served three tours in either Iraq or Afghanistan (sorry, I didn’t catch which one). He suffered a traumatic brain injury on one of his tours, but survived, and came home only to recently find out he has Stage 4 Colon Cancer.

They knew how much he loves the beach and the water, so Soldiers Wish will be sending he and his wife and kids on a beach vacation some time after a surgery he has scheduled soon.

Unfortunately, since the event got rained out a few hours early, I imagine they didn’t make as much in proceeds as they would have had it been able to go until the scheduled end. If you feel so inclined, visit their website and find out how you can donate. It seems like a very worthwhile cause and I hate to think they may not be able to grant wishes just because the weather decided to suck during their event.