I Have No Idea What I’m Doing

I have a confession to make.

I’ve been sitting here with my laptop for about forty-five minutes, trying to think of some witty anecdote to tell that will tie in with real purpose of this post.

Instead, I’m watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Well, at least I’m not filling my brain with any of that pesky useful information. Only fluff for me.

After this, they’re going to premier a show called Stripped, where they take everything away from people, including their clothes, and they have to survive with literally nothing and completely naked, earning one item per day for twenty-one days.

It kind of makes me miss watching Puck on MTV’s The Real World San Francisco pick his nose and then dip his finger in the communal peanut butter. That kind of T.V. now seems downright cerebral.

God, I miss the eighties and nineties.

I guess I’ll just get to the point of this post, which is to announce that I have no idea what I’m doing.

In May of this last year, I was told that my job would be disappearing some time around 2019. That was the kick in the butt that I needed to start this blog and see if I could really do something with my writing. How am I doing so far?

On second thought, don’t answer that.

Realizing that the writing thing would take a while to develop, I had to start considering other options as well. I had to ask myself what my ultimate goal was and after some brainstorming I came up with the following mission statement:

I’m going to have a job I can do from the comfort of my couch, wearing pajamas, snuggling with my fur babies, in which I don’t ever have to answer another phone or actually speak to any humans besides the ones I live with.

That’s doable, right?

Yeah…maybe not…how about this:

I’m going to support myself and my family with all the weirdness that comes out of my brain.

That’s actually probably more realistic.

Which brings me to the steps needed to attain this goal.  First, was to create this blog and start building an audience to my weirdness. To be fair, I already had an audience to my weirdness in the form of my family, friends, and coworkers. My goal was to reach a larger group of like-minded weirdos.

I’m still working on that. It’s a constant work in progress but if you’re one of the new readers here, then I’d like to take this moment to thank you. You are the backbone of this whole masterminded insane and unrealistic plan.

The next step was to figure out a variety of ways I can put my writing skills and creativity to work for me. I was actually inspired by an old hobby.

I used to scrapbook and make handmade cards. I did it mostly as a hobby but I did get paid to make scrapbooks for a couple of people. It was fun but it was VERY time-consuming. The time I spent on it was not worth what I was charging, and I was trying not to charge people an arm and a leg. It broke down to much less than minimum wage when you counted all the hours spent on the task.

It also requires an intense flow of creativity that doesn’t necessarily come naturally to me, at least not in the way writing does. I get writer’s block, but that’s nothing compared to the block I would get when I was trying to make a card or a scrapbook page. I found that I just don’t have the time and brain power to devote to this hobby.

Everyone else always got a handmade card from me for birthdays and holidays. It got to where people really looked forward to them, and though it was fun, it was a lot of pressure. Not only do you have to come up with an original idea and something cute or funny to say, but then you have to design and assemble the card (I didn’t design them on the computer. I actually made them from scratch with cardstock, scrapbooking paper, and decorations.)

Which brings me back to my original thought for this post: I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m doing it anyway.

I’m proud and excited to announce that I’ve partnered with Zazzle to open my own online shop with my own weird unique designs. Zazzle is an online, print on demand gift shop where you can print designs on literally thousands of products. Artists, photographers, and wordy people like me have opened their own storefronts on Zazzle to offer their unique designs for sale on everything from home décor to clothing to pretty much everything you can think of. You can  create your own one-of-a-kind gifts (which I have done for years) or you can buy gifts with pre-made designs on them.

This has afforded me an opportunity to enjoy the design process, like I did with my handmade cards and calendars, while bringing in my writing skills and a healthy dose of humor and sarcasm. And if people like them and buy them, that’s really just a bonus for me.

Right now, I only have a few items for sale but I’ll slowly be adding to my offerings.

Here’s the scoop on some of my first items.

The Calendar

I realize calendars are a little old school. The paper ones, I mean. Most people have the digital variety on their phones. But to me there’s something about seeing the dates in front of me when I walk into a room. Not to mention the artwork or other designs you’ll find on one.

I know it’s already 2018 and may be a little late for a calendar, but I went ahead and created one made up of some of the quotes from the blog that you all have told me made you laugh. We could all use a laugh now and then. I hope this calendar will make you smile each month when you flip the page.

Greeting Cards

Greeting cards never go out of style. The ones that have a sense of humor are my favorite. The Husband Dude and I have a tradition of giving each other one funny card and one “serious” card for whatever the occasion is. One year for our anniversary, we even gave each other the same funny card. I guess after a few years you just start thinking alike.

The “Guys Like You” greeting card that I’ve posted for sale came straight out of my life with The Husband Dude. We were meeting each other for lunch one afternoon and I was in my car and he was on his motorcycle. As I got out of my car, he called out to me, “Hey Beautiful!”

Being the consummate smart-ass that I am, I responded with, “My Dad always told me not to talk to guys like you.”

Which led to his very flirtatious answer of: “We don’t have to talk.”

I decided to use that flirtation to create a little card you can give to your hubby or boyfriend, and it’s perfect for Valentine’s Day, birthday, or anniversary.

 

The “Over The Hill” cards are patterned after a card I made for a good friend when she turned forty. It said, “40 is the new 30” and inside “Lying is the new truth”. I’ve tweaked it a bit and made different versions so there’s an option for pretty much everyone between the ages of thirty and fifty nine.

The women’s shirts and mugs are pretty self-explanatory. I’m hoping to add more to all of these collections very soon and offering other products as well. I may not sell a thing but I’m having a blast designing new products!

I’ve added a permanent link to my Zazzle shop in the right column of my blog, so you can always find it and browse. I’ll be adding to it whenever I can, so please check back often!

And now that the advertisement part of my post is over, I’m excited to let you know that I’m actually going to be giving away a free item from the store to celebrate my grand opening!

One of you will have the opportunity to choose a mug, calendar, or shirt for absolutely free!

There are two ways to enter this giveaway. First, is to subscribe to my email list. You can do this by going to the top of my blog page and enter your email address in the subscribe box. If you are already on my email list, then you have nothing further to do. You’re already entered automatically!

The second way  to enter is to go to my Facebook page and look for my post announcing this giveaway. I’ll be posting it on Saturday, January 6 at 10:00 a.m. CST. Go to the post and comment which item you would like (mug, shirt, or calendar). If you subscribe to my email list AND post a comment on my Facebook announcement, that’ll put your name in the drawing twice!

On Thursday, January 11, I’ll draw one name from the compiled list and notify the winner that day (either by email or on Facebook). The winner will be chosen completely at random, but remember that you’ll have your name in the “hat” twice if you subscribe to my email list AND comment on the Facebook post. Don’t forget to share the Facebook post with friends so they can enter too! Who doesn’t like free stuff???

Thank you again for all of your support! I’m so glad you’re all sharing this journey with me. I’m looking forward to making you laugh more in 2018

For my Canadian and Australian friends, here are my international links!

Canadian Zazzle

Australian Zazzle