The Reminder
Me: * Typing, working, taking calls *
Outlook Calendar: Polite reminder that you have a conference call in 15 minutes.
Me: * Hits “snooze” *
Outlook Calendar: Polite reminder that you have a conference call in 10 minutes.
Me: * Hits snooze *
Outlook Calendar: Polite reminder that you have a conference call in 5 minutes.
Me: * Tries to hit snooze *
Outlook Calendar: Whoa! What are you doing? What do I look like? Your alarm clock? And by the way…who uses an alarm clock anymore? Why don’t you use your phone like everyone else?
Me: I don’t need anymore reminders. Just pop up when it’s time to start.
Outlook Calendar: When it’s time to start is far too late. You need to click the link on this reminder and then dial into the audio portion of the conference. That’s going to take some time. You need to start now so you can be ready at start time.
Me: You don’t sound like my alarm clock. You sound like my mother.
Outlook Calendar: You’ve only got three minutes left. You better start getting ready. And sit up straight.
Me: * Hits snooze *
Outlook Calendar: OH MY GOD! YOU’VE GOT TWO MINUTES LEFT! START LOGGING IN NOW!
Me: * Hits snooze *
Outlook Calendar: ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS DEFCON FIVE. YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO BE IN THE MEETING. DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LOG IN NOW.
Me:
Me: * Clicks on link. *
Computer: Oh, hello. Hang on. I’m working on that request. Please enjoy this little spinny disky circle thingy while you wait.
Outlook Calendar: I TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD’VE STARTED THIS PROCESS EARLIER. NOW YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE!
Me: Chill out. Everything’s going to be ok. I’ll dial in while I’m waiting on the video.
Me: * Dials eleven digit number on the phone keypad *
Phone: Welcome to Audio Conferencing Services. Please enter you six digit conference code.
Me: * Enters six digit conference code *
Phone: Please enter your four digit ID.
Me: * Enters four digit ID *
Phone: Please enter your two digit ultra special PIN because you don’t have better things to do than enter numbers into a phone.
Me:
The Meeting
Automated voice: You have now joined the meeting.
Presenter: (using a waaaaaaay too perky voice) Welcome everyone! My name is Perky Presenter and I’m here to talk to you about stuff you already know and probably don’t care about and/or that could’ve been imparted in a quick email!
Mouth Breather:
Presenter: Before we get started, just a friendly reminder for everyone to mute their phones! Now…let’s start with blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me:
Loud Eater:
Presenter: Blah, blah, blah…um…just a reminder…everybody PLEASE mute your phones! Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Me:
Person Who Apparently Has No Clue They’re On A Conference Call:
Presenter: Ok…um…I’m just going to mute everybody from here, m’kay?
Me: (to my self because I’m actually muted like I’m supposed to be) You mean you could’ve done that all along?
Also Me:
Questions and Answers
Presenter: Blah, blah, blah, blah…ok. Do we have any questions about what’s been covered?
Presenter: Are you sure? We’ve covered a lot of information. Anyone?
Callers Talking Over Each Other:
Presenter: (cute, fake laughing) Ok guys. I’m going to need you to go one at a time!
Leader of the Clueless: Um…yes, Perky…can you explain that again?
Presenter: Which part, Clueless?
Leader of the Clueless: Um…you know…the middle part?
Presenter: Are you talking about blah, blah blah? Or do you mean blah, blah, blah?
Leader of the Clueless: Um…yes?
Presenter: Yes what?
Leader of the Clueless: What?
Presenter: What?
Leader of the Clueless: Yes!
Me:
Presenter: Maybe you could email me your question and I’ll just answer one on one. So, is there anything else I can address before we go?
Leader of the kiss-asses: Yes, Perky. I’d like to reiterate blah, blah, blah, blah.
Me:
Leader of the kiss-asses: Blah, blah, blah…also, might I suggest…blah, blah, blah.
Me:
Leader of the kiss-asses: Blah, blah, blah. Also I’d like to just commend you on how well thought-out and thoroughly interesting this presentation was. I really think blah, blah, blah…
Me:
Presenter: Well, I think that’s all we have time for. We’ll go ahead and wrap th…
Me:
Outlook Calendar: Don’t forget your conference call! You are one hour late to this meeting!
Me:
Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring!
M.L. James says
January 18, 2019 at 1:24 amWhy does it gotta be like this? WHY!!!!!! Also, you need to do something about that reminder, Kat! That thing has way too much nag power!
Hope your weekend is reminder free! Mona
Kat says
January 19, 2019 at 3:08 pmSo far, no reminders of anything! LOL
Melanie Schafer says
January 18, 2019 at 6:59 amHahaha. Yesterday I was on a conference call..sort of. They all sit and laugh in a room in another state and talk about things I don’t know about and am not involved in. While I listen and think wow, I would really like to be there. This happens twice a week for an hour, I speak for about 3 minutes on my projects, which no one cares about because I’m on another state. I get all my Trivia Crack caught up though!
Kat says
January 19, 2019 at 3:09 pmConference calls are an excellent opportunity to get other things done! LOL
MamaTrek says
January 18, 2019 at 9:01 amThis is how pretty much EVERY meeting at work goes.
Kat says
January 19, 2019 at 3:09 pmYes, I think it’s pretty universal!
Raegan says
January 18, 2019 at 9:06 amI love it! And there is no way of leaving the conference call because it announces (to everyone I might add) that “so and so has left the call” making you look like the ahole even though most others would do the same thing given the chance! Great post!
Kat says
January 19, 2019 at 3:10 pmYou’re so right! You’re trapped!
Amy says
January 18, 2019 at 9:29 amSo accurate on every level! Funny!
Kat says
January 19, 2019 at 3:10 pmThanks!
allen t. st. clair says
January 23, 2019 at 8:24 pmWhen I presented in a conference call once, an employee at the company we were contracting through for new software contacted the CEO of my hospital to say I ignored all of his questions at the end and ended the call without calling on him. He hadn’t taken himself off of mute and was asking questions that no one but he could hear. When I told the CEO this she said: “Well, I figured. He’s a dumbass.” That’s how I expect a company that you work for to back you up.
Kat says
January 24, 2019 at 2:02 pmThat’s how it should be! LOL. Didn’t take himself off mute. LOL.