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Freak.

I’ll Have The Beer Bread…Hold The Bread

By: 23 Comments

Dude…I don’t even know where to start this post. I mean…can this be any more of a shit show???

For some of you, this is Day blahbety blah blah blah of self isolation and you’re bored out of your skulls.

For me, this is Day blahbety blah blah blah of being “essential” and having to go into the office. I mean, I could work from home but they prefer we work in the office if we can, so…here I am, being essential and shit.

So let’s just address the tiger in the room.

If you haven’t watched Tiger King on Netflix yet, you need to drop everything and watch it now. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

It’s the perfect Quarantine documentary, no? It has everything…

And the best part…it’s all true!!!

As you know, I have lived in Oklahoma for the last twenty years, so I need to clarify something…

So…in addition to exposing myself daily to possible infection being essential and going to work in an office around other people, I’ve found myself in a bit of a baking/eating/carb frenzy.

This last weekend alone, I helped Shane bake a cookie cake and then I let him frost it with white buttercream frosting while I baked a loaf of beer bread. I then proceeding to wander into the kitchen eleventy thousand times to “just cut off a small piece of bread” and, oops…it’s now slathered with peanut butter!

This morning I let Shane put leftover buttercream frosting on his toast, because who cares?

I’m pretty sure it’s stress. I have to force myself to unplug from social media from time to time because the constant barrage of virus-related stories, memes, opinions and stats are exhausting. Judging by my friends in all my Facebook groups, I’m not the only one. We all seem to be running at a “10”.

I think it’s because we are literally in the middle of a situation that most of us have never encountered in our lifetimes. When was the last time (before this) that you went to five stores and couldn’t find toilet paper? Or bread? Or cleaning wipes?

When was the last time you saw every bar, restaurant and beauty salon closed indefinitely?

When was the last time you saw so many people having to work from home and being told to just stay put and not go anywhere? And not only that, but your spouse might be there with you and your kids? And now you have to basically homeschool your kids?

I quit teaching for a reason, Karen!

When was the last time you heard about so many people getting infected with and dying from something you only just heard about a couple of months ago? Unless you’re a time traveler who witnessed the flu pandemic in 1918, you probably have not witnessed anything like this.

How can you NOT get stressed?

I wish I had some magic words that could make everyone calm down just a little, but honestly, this is just one of those situations where you have to just keep swimming and maybe we can sort through it all on the other side.

On a side note, I really wish I was able to work from home. I know some of you are going crazy, but I am actually built for this kind of thing. When I was off for eight weeks following my hysterectomy a couple of years ago, the isolation actually recharged me. I had gotten to the point where I hated my job and people in general so much that sitting in my living room and coloring in my adult coloring books was the most relaxing thing I’ve ever done.

Other than missing seeing my loved ones outside of my household, I think I could easily hibernate for a few months and not miss the outside world at all.

If you’re interested in my beer bread recipe, here it is:

  • 3 cups all purpose flour, sifted
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 4 tablespoons butter, melted
  • 12 ounce beer of your choice (darker beer will give a more bitter flavor, usually)
  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
  2. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl.
  3. Add sugar, butter, and beer. Mix well.
  4. Pour into a greased loaf pan and bake for 45 minutes.

For a nice crunchy top, pour a tablespoon of melted butter over the top of the batter in the pan before baking.

You can make additions to this, to change the flavor. Add some garlic powder and shredded cheese for a cheesy garlic bread or use a teaspoon of vanilla, brown sugar and add nuts for a sweeter, less savory loaf.

If you want a more sturdy, denser loaf that’s good for making sandwich bread, add one whole egg and one egg yolk to your batter. The great thing about this recipe is that it doesn’t require any kneading or proofing or chilling. Just mix it up and throw it in the pan. It’s also easy to experiment with flavors. I hope you enjoy!

Now, as promised last week, some more funnies from the internet:

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring! Stay Safe!

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I want to see you there!

Comments

  1. I wish we still had Netflix SO BAD right now. EVRYBODY is talking about the damn Tiger King documentary and I can’t watch it.
    D:

    Does Netflix still do a one month free trial? Because I might do that, JUST to watch the stupid documentary.

    Reply

  5. Love the ‘Get the fuck away from me’ as a public service announcement . . . hilarious! I am sorry for anyone considered essential- that sounds wrong, doesn’t it? I mean I feel bad that not everyone is able to stay home right now. Coach is a PT so he is essential and still working. I babysit during the school day and while my own 6 children are making me somewhat nuts- I am enjoying the recharge time. Still I cannot figure out where all the time goes. Oh and we do not have Netflix so out of the tiger loop here too.

    Reply

  6. I don’t like peopling most days so I thought this would be easy, but I am also the type that hates following rules so…. Oh and having my 14 yr old here all day every day, is not the joy I thought it would be. I haven’t said a word to him since I asked him how a kid who never blows his nose could possibly need so many tissues…… Yep took me a minute too LOL

    Reply

  7. I’m considered “essential” sort of, my boss has decided we kinda are, which is sort of a grey area. So I’ve been going into work. But it’s been literally just me twiddling my thumbs and answering random dumb questions at work since my boss in his infinite wisdom decided to fly right as this was all happening and I forced him to quarantine for 2 weeks. Well I mean I basically told him we’d all quit if he came into the office. Because he still thinks this is all a joke. Now he’s bored at home and emailing me 100 times a day asking ridiculous questions and reminding me to do things that I do every single day without ever having been reminded to do them.

    In all reality I’m just thankful to still HAVE a job. It’s very easy for everyone to say “just stay home” when it’s not their bills, their house, their life that it’s totally destroying. I have also learned that social media = evil, especially in times like this. I have friends hoarding supplies and boasting about it on Facebook, people perpetuating rumors because “they have a friend at the DOC, CDC, some other abbreviation, and they told them that…. insert crazy thing here.” People fighting about politics, threatening each other and basically I’ve honestly seen the worst from people I considered my friends. It’s made me re-think a lot in my life.

    I personally had a surgery cancelled because of all this. I’m faced with a 3-4 month delay at least. If I lose my job there will be no surgery, period because I lose my insurance. But if I mention it to anyone I get reamed for being selfish, so I’ve decided to not only socially isolate physically but mentally because turns out people are a**holes. I think we’re all experiencing some mourning over the loss of normal. So…. yeah carbs are my friend. I literally ate an entire rainbow chip cake by myself this weekend… and laid in bed and played video games, yay?

    Reply

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