Year In Review or What The Hell Just Happened?

Brace yourselves. “Year in Review” blogs, Facebook posts, and news stories are coming. That’s what always seems to happen in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

I pretty much reviewed my year in my satirical look at the Holiday newsletter, but I guess there’s always room for more satire introspection. I’d love to write an article that’s thoughtful and introspective and that tugs at your heart strings while getting you pumped up for 2019.

I’d like to, but I won’t. You’re going to be bombarded with that until January 1st. I am not here for that. I understand my role in your life at this point. 

I am the happy little place you come to for bizarre thoughts sprinkled with F bombs. 

I am very comfortable with this role.

Instead of the traditional “year in review” post, I really just want to take this opportunity to celebrate the moral victories, surreal moments, and awesomely effed up people I have met this year. In other words, I’m expressing my gratitude for all the weirdness that pervades my existence.

Satan’s Butthole

I bet you didn’t think this would be on the list. 

Yes, I’m forever grateful to Satan’s Butthole, for a multitude of reasons. First, I met my two besties at Satan’s Butthole and I know they are going to be my lifelong friends. I couldn’t ask for two better people in my life.

In addition, I’ve met so many other wonderful friends at Satan’s Butthole. Many of you read this blog.

I’m sorry.

I’m also forever grateful to Satan’s Butthole for providing me with a lifetime of misery, bizarre events and shit you would not believe unless you lived through it, which in turn has provided me with my most popular blog posts and stories. One of these days, I’ll have a book that people can read and commiserate with about their own work horror stories. This would not be possible without Satan’s Butthole, so thank you for a lifetime’s worth of satire.

Finally, I’d like to thank Satan’s Butthole for setting the bar of Dumbfuckery so high that anything less is actually mundane. In my new job at Not Satan’s Butthole, I hear people complain about this or that and those of us who worked at Satan’s Butthole just look at each other like:

My perspective on what is considered stressful and what is considered micro-management is somewhat skewed, considering this was me six months ago:

I Sort Of Rub Elbows With Celebrities

I don’t know how many of you are on Twitter, but it’s still a social media platform that befuddles me. Despite that, I’ve managed to increase my followers there by several hundred this last year. That’s not a huge amount, but considering how little I’m able to devote to actually learning the ins and outs of the platform, I’d say that’s pretty good.

One thing you need to know about Twitter is that some people have a blue check mark next to their name. This check mark denotes someone (usually a public personality, like the President or Kim Kardashian or Stephen King) who has submitted to a vetting and has been “verified” by Twitter as being the actual person and not some fake account set up by a fan or stalker or hater.

In 2018, one of my other favorite bloggers and authors (and Twitter approved check mark), Jen Mann, followed me back.  Jen writes a blog called “People I Want To Punch in the Throat“. From the title alone, I’m sure you can see why I’m a fan. Her snarky wit and love of the occasional F bomb are the reason I’ve enjoyed her blog and books about…well…people we all want to punch in the throat. I especially recommend “People I Want To Punch In The Throat At Work” for any of my friends who have worked or still work at Satan’s Butthole. You will relate to almost all, if not all of it. 

Not only did Jen follow me back, but she actually interacts when I send her the occasional Tweet, which makes her an A-lister in my book. I can appreciate the fact that she does this because I’ve been the victim of “check marked” celebrities who follow me and then when I follow them back, they unfollow me. In other words, they’re just trying to gain new followers while looking too cool to follow anybody else. 

Basically, it’s high school, only in the privacy of your home on your computer or smart phone.

I’ve got news for you, “Check marks”. I don’t care how many episodes of Dallas you were on, or how many Indie movies you’ve directed. If you follow, then unfollow me just to gain another stat, I will unfollow you right back. That’s the advantage of only having 400 followers. I can find the douchebags and kick them out!

However, this post is about gratitude, so I want to thank all the “Check marks” that have followed me and then didn’t unfollow me later. There are a handful of you, and I appreciate you. Besides, it’s pretty cool to be sitting on your sofa in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, watching The Walking Dead, and be able to point to someone on the screen and tell The Husband Dude, “She just started following me on Twitter the other day, and I didn’t even follow her first!”

It almost makes me sound check-mark-worthy.

The Lady Parts That Launched Their Own Design Line

If you’re new to my blog or were just ignoring me over the entire summer, you missed the entire saga of the eviction of my Lady Parts. If you’re just dying to go back and catch up, here’s a link to the category page where you see all the posts.

In the aftermath of my total Hysterectomy, as I lay recovering in my hospital bed, I had a painkiller-inspired trip revelation that there has to be a market for hysterectomy greeting cards, gifts and novelties. I mean, you have get well cards that get very specific these days, so why not get specific about something SO MANY women have to go through???

Then, I decided not to stop at cards. One of the downsides to a hysterectomy is that you have so much down time where you’re supposed to be resting. What do you need when you’re resting? A pillow!

I’m proud to say that, next to the Melanie Mug, my Cheap Boyfriend Uterus Pillow is the best-selling item in my Zazzle store!

 

Dungeon of Loom

One of the best things that happened to me this year was that I managed to make friends with  several other bloggers and we have formed this really weird group on Facebook called Dungeon of Loom.

For those of you who don’t write, you may not be aware of what a lonely process writing can be, especially for people who do it full time. I mean, there aren’t many jobs in the world where you get up to go to work each day and it’s just you and a keyboard. It’s the perfect job for an introvert, until it’s time to market yourself, which I am learning is probably 75% of the actual writing gig. 

Marketing, marketing, marketing.

I don’t write full time, but that’s sort of the dream. My hope is to build an audience through my blog that will naturally translate to people actually wanting to read a book I’ve written. Building the blog requires marketing. And networking. And more networking.

Somehow, I managed to stumble onto a core group of bloggers that formed this eclectic collective we now call Dungeon of Loom. I have no doubt that my blog traffic has increased to double what it was last year because of networking with this talented group of writers. 

More than that, though, we “get” each other. We all write, so we all know the pitfalls, hurdles and stumbling blocks. We all suffer from varying degrees of depression, anxiety and social awkwardness. Because of that, we’ve formed a nice little support group where we can ask “Hey, are you ok?” and then add “Ya dusty bitch” because in our circle, insults equal love. 

The great thing about Dungeon of Loom is, you don’t have to be a writer or blogger to join. If you just appreciate reading good blogs and books and/or you have a really inappropriate sense of humor, then you will fit right in and you’re always welcome! Click the picture below for a link to our Facebook page.

Thank You!

Finally, I just want to thank all of you who have joined me or stuck with me this year. Your comments on my blog posts and feedback via email are greatly appreciated and I’m so thankful for all of you. You are the reason I do what I do!

Stay weird, my friends. Normal is boring!