Driving At The Speed Of Park

It’s Friday. I’m tired. Here’s my week in a nutshell.

A Picture Lasts Longer

My week actually started LAST weekend when I threw a bridal shower for my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. In preparation for having twenty guests in our home, we decided to revamp the guest bathroom that I talked about in my blog post My Unemployment Bucket List.

I wasted a lot of time researched on Pinterest and got a lot of great ideas. I now know how to make pallet furniture, how to turn Dollar Store crap treasures into high-end décor, and I know a lot more “Yo Mama” jokes than any one adult should probably know.

All that aside, the bathroom got redecorated and was in need of some finishing touches. I was only twenty four hours away from my party, so I headed out to my local Hobby Lobby for some final inspiration and décor.

But of course, one does not simply walk into an all-purpose craft and home décor store and pick up the intended item. One must browse every aisle, picking everything up and touching it, and then wish one could win the lottery so one could redecorate their whole house, sell it, and buy a bigger house to decorate.

I happened to be in the scrapbooking section, looking at embellishments and paper when I realized an old lady was staring at me. I couldn’t figure out why she was gawking, until I realized I hadn’t slept more than five hours in the last two days, I had a raging case of bed-head, no makeup, and I was wearing an AC/DC shirt that was better suited to The Husband Dude’s size than mine. I’m sure I wasn’t the “type” this lady was used to seeing in the scrapbooking aisle.

“Yes, Doris. Metalheads like to craft too. Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer,” I thought to myself, until I saw the startled look on her face.

Ooops. That was my outside voice.

I put my head down and shuffled to the next aisle.

Anyway, here is my ode to “Jaws” that I found for the bathroom:

Spam, Spam, Spam

I’ve experienced another “first” on my blog: comment spam.

Comment spam is when you get comments under your blog posts that are nothing more than “spam” advertising something. In my case, this repeated spammer keeps advertising Viagra.

It’s not hard to recognize when you get a generic comment that says, “Great writing, Kat. Buyviagra” and the email address is something like buyviagra.com.

Why a spammer would choose to post spam for Viagra on MY website, I’ll never know. I mean, I do have a few dudes that read my blog, but the vast majority of y’all are women. So, WTF?

Apparently, ladies, our dicks just aren’t hard enough. Maybe instead of marking these comments as spam, I’ll leave them for you all to try out. Then, you can email me at kat@angelwhoswears.com and let me know how that worked out for you.

In the meantime, all this talk about spam has reminded me of Monty Python.

On This Day

This came up in my Facebook memories this week:

Unfortunately, everyone who knows me knows that anything I witness in the restroom is fair game, so if you are planning on doing something embarrassing and you see me going in, you might want to find another restroom.

If you don’t believe me, read my post The Writing On The Bathroom Wall.

This isn’t Fight Club. I WILL write about it.

The Speed of Park

For about a year now, my speedometer on my car has been acting wonky. Sometimes it’s fine, and then sometimes it doesn’t register a speed and I’m going “zero” down the highway.

We actually got pulled over last summer in Wichita Falls when we were driving back from El Paso. The Husband Dude was going eighty in a sixty-five zone, but had no idea because the speedometer said zero. We explained to the officer, who looked dubious, but after running our tag and seeing that we were fully insured (yes, damnit, I’m the most insured person you’ll meet because of the paranoia instilled in me by my job), he let us go with a warning.

I guess he figured we were so close to crossing the state line, he just let us go and hoped we’d be out of his hair within the hour, which we were.

Anyway, this week, I got into my car and turned it on and instead of just sitting on zero, the speedometer decided to do this sitting in park:

I really need to get it fixed, but there are so many things I’d rather spend money on.

Like remodeling another room.

Or food.

Or anything but a freaking speedometer.

Maybe one of these days…

Well Feck

And finally…just because this is the kind of freaking week I had, I made this card in my Zazzle shop.